| This blog is for extreme feelings...outside of monthly updates. Either something really wonderful has happened, something excited me, or in all likelyhood, something really pissed me off. Nothing here will be censored, whitewashed, or sugar coated. This is how I feel.
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Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - :
Well, so you heard the good news.......and now the bad.....
Or wait, I'll tell you about our anniversary night.
Original plan was vetoed due to the fact that you cannot rent a room at a hotel unless you are 21 years of age. Damn....plus, the Days Inn was 90 bucks a night...craziness.
So instead we moved the plan to Hornell.....
Went to Grady's Grill for dinner, got all snazzed up and looking good and had a dinner full of french fries and fat! Classic right?
Then it was off to Wegman's to pick up some food to stock our fridge with.
Here's the list:
Cinnamon Bun Microwave Popcorn
Peeps
Diet Lemon Lime
Dr. Pepper
White Chocolate Tahoe Cookies
Dark Chocolate Cookies
2 Bars Ghirdelli Dark Chocolate
Real Healthy eh?
Then off to the Econo Lodge room 146 to spend the rest of the evening. We took a bubble bath together, much fun, but slightly cold! We talked and talked and talked.....about just about everything. Everything we needed to say. Oh, the stories he has about that place! We laughed and cuddled and basked in the glory of each other's arms. Sad to say, but true. I missed his arms so very much. We played Zelda and watched chick porn on Oxygen and went to sleep.
I tried for an hour, but couldn't sleep. I kept having visions of nightmares. One where Bryon just died in his sleep, one where some guy broke in the room and murdered us, one where we ran out of gas, one where something happened to dad....needless to say sleep was not coming for me. So I woke him up at 3 am and asked if we could go home. And there we were packing at 3:30 and off to my house at 4. Fell sound asleep in his arms once we landed in my bed. Best 3 hours of sleep I've had in 6 weeks.
Ok, now for the bad:
Dad got back from the doctor yesterday. He has spinaltheosis or something like that. Basically, where the two discs are herniated in his back (been that way for about a year now) his spine is crooked. They can't simply remove the slipped discs or his spine will collapse. He ruptured the discs a few weeks ago and is in serious serious pain. He lies on the floor in his office, he can't even sit for long. It's awful. Now it's looking like he won't get to neurosurgery until June.....I'm the only one in the office and the family that knows his job, so suddenly I'm standing in.
This kills whatever time I did have and because of it I've had to leave my job at Wegman's. On good terms, and I intend to go back when possible, but for now it just won't work. I won't miss the work, but I will miss Sara and Brent. To my friends, keep in touch!
Life just keeps spinning around like crazy. No sign of stopping any time soon.
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Monday, March 22, 2004
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Bryon and I went to school together sixth grade all the way up and out. I knew who he was, that his birthday was around mine, and that he was really tall.....and that about sums up my knowledge on him. He was always the nice guy in high school, kept to himself a little bit, but I just assumed I wasn't the type he wanted to hang out with. I also assumed that he knew who I was. Turns out I assumed wrong.
He knew of a Sarah, Ryan talked to him about the name. He saw my face regularly. He didn't know the name and the face went together. He thought I was pretty, but didn't know my name. He asked around, but no one else knew who he was talking about when he stated his description. I was his mystery girl. It's weird, I always thought everyone in high school knew my name, or at least in my class! Not saying I was the popular one, but not too many liked me, usually meaning everyone knows you. He didn't. I was a stranger at a dance two Septembers ago when I asked him for the last dance. He had just been dumped by Beth that night and was moping around. I wasn't aware of the situation, but he was Sully, gotta love him right? I just wanted to dance one slow one.
He felt something that night. He had one of those lightbulb moments. Oh, so this girl is Sarah. And with that lightbulb came a little spark. Apparently, what I thought was mocking and harmless fun in the hallways the rest of the year turned out to be his way of "macking" on me. Who knew? I sure as hell didn't!
I felt something Halloween at Ryan's. Ryan, Bryon, and I were in the living room discussing the Goonies. Only us.....I swear.....I wrestled on the floor with the two of them, but felt little butterflies when I felt Bryon's hands. I almost acted on it, but I didn't get any sort of a response....I just assumed I wasn't his type. I'm not too many people's types.
Again, he felt something that night, but he didn't act on it because he thought I was with Soit. WHAT?!?!? AHHHHHHH.....Soit was attention, I took what I could get while still keeping safe distance. I could never....bleck!
It's funny how you remember the little things later on. We could have started a lot sooner....Bryon told me last night while lying in each other's arms that he believes that some things are predetermined. I believe that too. Love is the one thing where I can truly believe in fate. Bryon is my best friend, my love, my life, and my soulmate. He told me that everyone meets their soulmate, it's just the risk and chancing that keeps others from theirs. We got lucky. We were thrown together a bunch of times rather than one. One of those times one of us was bound to take the risk.
Yesterday we hit one year together. Amazing....totally amazing. It doesn't feel like a year and yet at the same time, I feel like I've grown enough in this past year to make up for the last eighteen. We took the jump, the dive, the fall.....and let me tell you, I've fallen. And it's the best feeling in the entire world.
Our anniversary begun Saturday at 2:30 pm when he picked me up from Wegman's. We drove to Hornell because the office needed us. I was cranky and had a massive headache....Bryon never ceases to amaze me with his patience at these points. He took me to Grady's and we ate dinner around 4:30. Fun, right? ;)
Rachel and Adam having been reconcilling or something to that matter and wanted us to cart them around that night. Again, I lost it...damn, I do that an awful lot don't I? Bryon told me not to worry because nothing could ruin what he had in mind. My mom vetoed their request and again it was just Bryon and I, headed to his house for his portion of the plan.
I was told to wait in the chair until he came out and was ready for me. I read my book as patiently as possible. He gave me a thumbs up out the door and I walked in to find 12 pink roses leading up to a large heart made of candles in his bedroom on the floor. (I love pink and white roses, never red) He stood, shaking a bit, and said "I know this isn't how you planned it, but...." and dropped to one knee with a 24k gold, 2k diamond heart pendant necklace........I was floored, totally floored. I didn't speak at first when he asked, it was just crazy! A few moments passed and about 50 yes's came with them.
He knows the ring he wants to buy, he just has to work up to it. He has expensive taste, and it is exceptional might I add. White Gold swiss mechanics to hold a 3/4k diamond in place. He describes it with such love. He is type who finds what he wants and wants nothing else.
I think Zoe should be the ring bearer, don't you?
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
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It's finally done, we're out of the water, or almost at least. I'm driving up to Syracuse tonight to pick him up at 11 pm. We'll probably stay up there, because I don't know how it's going to be on the way home...but we'll see.
I'm going with the girls shopping and then off to see him.
Happy birthday to Dad and Chad!
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
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Anyway, I took my first day off in a long time yesterday and then went to my PT job until 11. It was nice to be able to just be for a day. I even got to work out! Woo hoo!
I need him home, now more than ever. In the beginning I missed his presence, his personality, him. Now I miss all of that and now I miss our romance, his face, his touch, his kiss. I miss US. Somebody pray that he gets to call me tonight. I'm gonna need it.
I have my first photo shoot in quite some time tonight. Three little girls modeling for a cheerleading magazine. Should be fun. :) Wish me luck!
Monday, March 08, 2004
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Went to Road to Wrestlemania with Adam on Saturday. GREAT SHOW! Had a lot more fun than I thought I would. It's amazing how loud it is at those things. Crowd of 3,000, not too bad for our hunky-dory town. Saw HHH, HBK, Benoit, Jericho, Christian, and Matt Hardy. We had a riot.
Kay P left Sunday, Lindsey is now in town. We're going out tonight after work, probably just hitting Denny's. So much stuff to talk about. That's the good thing about having your girls come home every now and then, you never seem to find moments of awkward silence.
Bryon called his house Saturday night and asked for me! LOL! Isn't that just a little crazy? Yeah, that's my boy. He called again last night. They have started his paperwork since Friday and he should see the Commander today or tomorrow, but I won't know until tomorrow. Have to work between 5:30-11 for case night at the deli. This week is going to make me crazy! Anyway....what else is new? ;)
I miss him like crazy, but right now it's looking like he'll be home the 16th....here's to hoping....:)
Thursday, March 04, 2004
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He wants to come home, and to stay home. Originally he wanted to try again in 2 years, but we have discovered that that just won't be possible. THANK GOD.
I know this is crazy, but I just want him here. We're picking this business up, it's coming together. We need to keep moving forward. We need to go to college. We need to find our dreams. And we need to do it together.
We just need to be together, period.
He asked me if I was ok last night. It's funny....the entire time he's been gone, nearly a month now, no one has asked me if I was ok. They've asked how I'm doing and things, but they only want to hear the good stuff. They don't want to be burdened with the bad. Everyone tells me to pull out of this and suck it up, no one asks if I'm ok. Only him. He would be the one to know that I'm just not. Not until he's here again anyway.
Monday, March 01, 2004
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Bryon had a panic attack on Friday morning. The DI looked and spoke like his father. He blacked out and woke up in a locker crying. I found out about it Friday night, but he couldn't talk to me because I didn't have my phone on. Damn it. I could feel something was wrong. I knew it, and I don't know how, but I know I could feel it....regardless, I had a rough weekend and had to work the entire time.
Kay P is here this week! WOO HOO! Last night we stayed up listening to Matchbox and Sarah Mclachlan, playing Zelda, talking and planning my one year anniversary...damn it's gonna be good. We made brownies that somehow came out like lambas bread.....Splenda is so weird....
This morning I found out that Matchbox has a new CD out. Hopped on E-bay and snagged a couple for Kay P and me.
Finished Ellen's book, seriously hilarious. I defintely recommend it to anyone with a sense of humor.